Today I share a letter from a friend. From a reader! From someone who strives to look perfect in her jeans whilst loving her food. She’s gracefully touched my heart, reinforcing that my blog is a safe place to discuss health outside of the box. And I’m so proud to share her letter with you! Thank you for reading.
“Nicole! LOVE the bloggie today!! SOOO hit home for me. I’ve been meaning to write you for a while privately, but of course never forced myself to put into words what I am going to say.
Your experiences and blogs hit sooo close to home for me because I struggle with some of the very same core issues you have, although mine may look different from the outside. I have always obsessed about food. Never to the point of anorexia, because I love food so much, but nonetheless, I obsess about it. Obsessed about “how many calories is that” or “if I eat that I’m going to be fat”…you know the thoughts. :) I totally went through and still go through phases where if I think I am “fat” I will not go out to functions or even put on nice, dressy clothes for work or my hubby. This was especially hard getting pregnant and post pregnancy when everything is just not right and not like it used to be – something I still struggle with all the time. All this to say, I soo appreciate what you went though and what you described in today’s blog.
It’s interesting too, because although I know I have disordered patterns of thinking about food, I don’t think it is an “eating disorder.” I think there is a huge distinction to be made in the medical world, that truly is so lacking. I have told you this before, but I definitely do not think eating disorders are a result of some terrible hormonal imbalance/mental health derangement. I am a perfectly happy, well-adjusted person (I think), who just happens to obsess about food and who has unfounded worries about being fat. Granted I recognize it probably isn’t healthy for your mental health to obsess about these things, but I acknowledge that and have worked really hard to just eat a healthy, wholesome diet and exercise as regularly as I can to feel fit, aka “skinny.” :)
What’s even MORE interesting (and perplexing to me), is that when I look at curvier girls (think Kate Upton, Scarlet Johansson etc etc), I think those girls look AMAZING and I totally envy their curvy confidence. Yet if I was their size, I would be appalled (does this make sense?).
Anyways, all this to say, I love your honestly and openness about it all and wanted to share with you that you are not alone (which I am sure you have discovered via your blog).
Keep bloggin’ girlie, you are so truly fabulous at it! xoxo.”
Thank you, friend.